Just because it’s (almost) Black Friday doesn’t mean every deal’s actually worthwhile.
In fact, as the TPH team watched the retailers roll out their holiday offerings this week, we found a number of items downright chuckle-worthy.
7 Black Friday “Deals” That Made Us Go, Hmmm…
Whether you’re planning on heading into the fray to nab your next TV, opting outside or spending quality time with your family this year instead, here are a few Black Friday “deals” that are just plain dumb.
1. Ridiculous Sleepwear
Want to make sure your post-holiday-feast bedroom life remains strictly PG?
Try a microfleece adult onesie, which will be on sale for just $9 — “Secret Treasures,” indeed.
Or maybe don this stylish Disney character hooded wrap robe, available for the same price.
Yes, that’s Olaf from “Frozen.” And no, I don’t think the wearer can see anything when the hood is pulled down.
2. Permanent??? Hair Removal/Self-Flagellation Tool
Want to save $50 on a handheld device that promises to laser-beam away your body hair for good? Macy’s has you covered this Black Friday.
According to the product description, it’s “especially useful for treating sensitive areas (bikini line) or smaller, targeted zones (underarms).” And according to the reviews, it actually does work… after consistent use for months, during which you still have to shave.
Have fun pointing lasers at your crotch for most of a year, though. Who knows? Maybe by next winter, you’ll be bikini-ready!
3. The New DNCE Album
This album’s available as a digital download for $3.99 — or pressed onto a CD, so you can gift-wrap a horrifying, tangible representation of one part of what was so wrong with 2016 for less than eight dollars.
4. Poop Emoji Beanie
You’ll save more than 50% on this … adorable? hat from Walmart, when you buy it for just $3 instead of its usual $7.97 this Black Friday.
I will admit I’m not much for fashion.
But I guess I’m totally defeated if becoming a literal doo-doo head has somehow become appropriate, let alone cool.
5. Flashlight in Ice
OK, whatever; this might not even be a bad deal…
… but I love that the description specifies that it still works when frozen, explaining the item’s otherwise-entirely-baffling featured photo.
Also, I think if your flashlight is frozen, you probably have bigger problems than the dark.
6. Pumpkin-Themed Dinnerware
I’m a pretty serious Martha Stewart fangirl, but this may be taking things a little too far.
I mean, if you are going to buy a pumpkin-shaped soup tureen, please for the love of all that is good and holy buy it for $37.99 instead of its original price of $109.
7. Anything at Neiman Marcus
I’m super excited I can finally get that plain black leather tote bag for just $1,162 — $1,550 was totally unreasonable, am I right?
And I’ve really been feeling the hole in my closet caused by the lack of this lacy white body tablecloth thing. So glad to see it reduced to $5,370 — now I’ll be able to afford two pairs of the hideous, $1,014 matching lace-trim skirt pants!
Your Turn: What’s the worst Black Friday deal you’ve seen this year?
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Jamie Cattanach is a staff writer at The Penny Hoarder. Her writing has also been featured at The Write Life, Word Riot, Nashville Review and elsewhere. Find @JamieCattanach on Twitter to wave hello.