Starbucks is Ripping Off Unicorns With This $5 Drink, and We Won’t Have It

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Starbucks frappuccino
The new Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks in St. Petersburg, Fla. Tina Russell / The Penny Hoarder

If you buy one of these, we can’t be friends.

Look, I love Starbucks. I’m our in-house Starbucks extraordinaire. In case you don’t believe me, I’ve written about it here, here and here.

Except for when it comes to this. This is too much.

The new Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks is one froufrou trend I just can’t get behind.

Available from April 19-23, the Unicorn Frappuccino is a a blended drink consisting of pink powder, mango syrup and a sour-blue drizzle that’s topped with whipped cream and rainbow sprinkles.

And with it costing more than $5 a pop, you definitely shouldn’t blow your money on this thing.

The Unicorn Frappuccino From Starbucks Looks Like Unicorn Vomit

I wanted to be a good journalist and go try it for the sake of this article, but I couldn’t bring myself to spend $5.30 on a grande cup of unicorn vomit. I’m sorry.

Starbucks frappuccino

Alexa Vincent tries the new Unicorn Frappuccino from Starbucks in St. Petersburg, Fla. Tina Russell / The Penny Hoarder

People are freaking out on social media. It’s awakened an entire subculture of mystical humans I never knew existed:

Look at them in all their glory.

But seriously, we need to have a chat about this “unicorn” food trend.

After a quick search of #unicornfood on Instagram, my mouth immediately began to hurt. Search results consisted of pastel-colored food that looked straight out of Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory. (If you’ve seen the original film, you can agree that’s not a good thing.)

No food is safe, either. There’s unicorn toast, unicorn fudge, unicorn lattes and unicorn DEVILED EGGS.

Stop. Please.

Does the nation of unicorns know about this? I’m sure unicorns are kicking themselves right now for not trademarking their crap (literally, click the link — it’s rainbow meringue called “unicorn poop”).

I see a lawsuit coming.

Not only is it extremely unfair for us to rip off unicorns everywhere, I’d like to take a moment to state that unicorn-izing every food item has to be seriously unhealthy.

I’m all for rainbow sprinkles… but on toast? I’m gagging. I also feel my arteries tightening.

Might I Suggest Other Things You Can Do With $5

It just doesn’t look remotely delicious. It looks gross.

But let’s say it is delicious. Maybe it is. But should you spend five bucks and some change on this thing?

I’m not telling you how to spend your money, but I’m telling you there are so many better things you could do with $5.

Here are a few things you can do with that money instead:

  1. Put it in a high-interest savings account. Sit back and watch the compound interest grow that five bucks.
  1. Put it toward your credit card debt. Americans now have more than $1 trillion in credit card debt, and you want to go buy a unicorn drink? I’m trying not to judge you, but… c’mon.
  1. Go buy some frozen pizza. We found the best frozen pizzas for under $6 — and while they may not be rainbow colored, they’re pretty good. Plus, it’s pizza. Who doesn’t love pizza?

Your Turn: Have you tried the new Starbucks Unicorn Frappuccino?

Kelly Smith is a junior writer and engagement specialist at The Penny Hoarder. Catch her on Twitter at @keywordkelly.

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