21 Thoughts We’ve All Had While Applying for a Job (After Job After Job…)

A man applies to a job on his computer.
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When you’re out of work or looking for a new job, one of the worst parts of the application process is…

Well, everything, to be honest.

No matter how nice hiring managers are, the whole job application process is a minefield of worry and a whole lot of nervous waiting.

How many of these things have crossed your mind when applying for a job?

1. Does it really matter what I write in this cover letter? I bet no one ever reads them.

2. How can an entry-level job require I have at least four years of experience?!

3. And… send. Oh crap, did I just upload my resume file or my niece’s first birthday pictures?!

4. “I’m awesome! I can’t wait to land this job!” Ten minutes later: “I suck at everything, I’m never gonna get this job.”

5. Fifteen years of social media experience wanted? Was social media even a thing 15 years ago?

6. “Please list a few of your hobbies — we want to get to know you!” Hobbies? What hobbies? I’m always too busy trying to make up for the seven years of entry-level experience every company wants but I don’t have.

7. How soon is too soon to follow up on my application?

8. I just spent hours writing this cover letter — now I also have to write an email message to the hiring manager?!

9. OK, I’ll just copy and paste this paragraph from the last cover letter I wrote… Oh, crap. Did I forget to change the name of the company?

10. What are the chances I’ll hear back from this hiring manager? Oh, probably one in 100,000.

11. I’m glad I spent the money to have a resume editor catch all the typos on my resume. Good thing I didn’t send that old version to a hiring mana– NOOOOOO!

12. Has the world decided on how many pages a resume should be yet?

13. The person for this communications position needs to be an expert writer, editor, email marketer and social media manager plus have extensive graphic design and video experience?

14. I’ve uploaded my resume as requested. Why do I have to spend an hour filling out the online application with the exact same information? WHY?

15. Ninja? Guru? Rockstar? Don’t companies want regular people anymore?

16. You want to know my entire salary history and what kind of pay I’m looking for, but all you’ll tell me about how much your job pays is that it “depends on experience”? Come ON.

17. “Please provide links to all your social media accounts?” What? No. What does that have to do with this waitstaff job?

18. “We’re looking for a dynamic rockstar to synergize with our multidimensional team of motivated ninja multi-taskers.” What does that even mean?

19. “If you were a shrub, what kind of shrub would you be?” Oh, come on. I’m already stressed out enough about this interview without goofball questions with no right answer.

20. Cool. You’re only the 29th company at this job fair to refer me back to your website if I want to apply for a job.

21. Job fairs: Come for the free swag, leave with your dream job.

Lisa McGreevy is a staff writer at The Penny Hoarder. She’s not a huge fan of the job application process but supposes it beats a sharp stick in the eye.