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This is Not a Joke: The Onion is Looking for Work-From-Home Sports Writers

Carson Kohler

by Carson Kohler

Staff Writer

I’m one of those gullible people who reads a shocking headline on Facebook, gasps for 0.2 seconds, then realizes it’s just another viral article from The Onion.

Then I laugh.

Sometimes it’s a nervous laugh — because the headline actually sounds like it could be real.

Other times, it’s because the headline (one like “Lax PetSmart Background Check Allows Deranged Gerbil To Slip Through The Cracks”) simply incites a hearty giggle.

So now that my co-workers have heard me laugh out loud at The Onion headlines from my desk at least 10 times in the past 10 minutes, let’s get to the point: The Onion, “America’s finest news source,” is looking for remote sports contributors.

The Onion Needs Work-From-Home Sports Contributors

If you haven’t caught the gist yet, The Onion is a satirical news site. It provides it’s millions of followers with belly laughs each day.

Right now, it’s looking for some jokesters to work as freelance contributors.

It’ll be your job to submit headlines and feature ideas on a weekly basis.

“We seek smart, prolific joke writers with a sense of humility and a deep knowledge and interest in sports,” the listing states.

You’ll work remotely and be paid after each story has been published. Pay per story is not specified in the job listing, but I did reach out and will update you once I hear back.

Do note that this is only for Onion Sports; there are no other opportunities to pitch to The Onion right now.

How to Apply to Write for The Onion

This is an open call, and will remain open until Monday, March 6, at 11:59 p.m. CST.

To apply, you’ll need to submit a packet that includes:

  • A one-paragraph cover letter
  • A list of 10 Onion-style sports headlines
  • A list of five feature jokes for “Best Sports Movies Of All Time” (See the job listing for a more comprehensive explanation.)

You’ll submit this information in one Word Doc, attached to the application. No need for writing samples. And no eager-beaver phone calls or emails.

You’ll hear if you made the cut by April 10.

Then, The Onion will put you on a four-week trial run. If you pass, you’ll become a regular contributor.

Think you have what it takes? Read all the details, and submit your application packet online.

If you’re not funny, that’s OK, too. We have plenty of other job opportunities over on our Facebook jobs page.

Your Turn: What’s your favorite headline from The Onion?

Carson Kohler (@CarsonKohler) is a junior writer at The Penny Hoarder.