This Man Makes Thousands Per Month Just for Sending Emails
This post was originally published April 1, 2017, as part of our April Fool’s Day lineup.
Before I started my lucrative new career, it wasn’t always easy for me to earn a living.
Growing up in a developing country, my opportunities sometimes appeared limited.
I wanted to get a good college degree, but that was out of my reach. I applied for jobs in various fields, but like many young people these days, I had difficulty getting hired full time.
Even when I managed to secure an entry-level position, I found employers weren’t willing to pay me enough to get by.
I felt stuck. I was finding it hard to get ahead. My career path was uncertain, and I was growing frustrated.
But everything changed when I embarked on an exciting, well-paying career in inbound email marketing.
I’ll be honest here. It wasn’t easy. I wasn’t an overnight success in my new industry. It took practice and discipline to learn to craft my messages to reach my target audience.
Through lots of trial and error, I got better at writing catchy email subject lines like:
“Urgent Business Proposition For You — Confidentiality Requested”
“Your Assistance Needed With Confidential Transfer of Funds”
“Absolute Secrecy Required in Transfer of ($25,000,000) Twenty Five Million Dollars”
“From the Office of Prince Jonathan Agogdedwenge of Nigeria”
How to Reach Your Audience
You see, it takes a catchy subject line to grab the attention of my marks… I mean, my prospective clients.
Once they open my email, it usually reads something like this:
Dear Most Valued and Esteemed Friend,
This message is of an urgent and private nature.
With warm heart I offer my friendship and my greetings, and I hope this letter meets you in good time. It will be surprising for you to receive this proposal from me since you do not know me personally. However, I am sincerely seeking your confidence in this transaction, which I propose with my free mind and as a person of integrity.
I am Prince Kufour Otumfuo of Nigeria, the elder son of the late King Otumfuo Opoku II, whose demise occurred following a brief illness. Before the death of my father, I was authorised and officially known as the next successor and beneficiary of my father’s property according to African Traditional rite.
My father has left a grand fortune of 1,304,976,551 ZAR ($163.63 Million USD). Unfortunately, because of certain regulations of the Nigerian Government, I cannot claim the sum myself because the Government will take the fortune for itself soon.
Your assistance is requested as a non-Nigerian citizen in transferring the sum out of Nigeria. If the funds can be transferred to your name, in your United States account, I will agree to allow you to retain 25 percent of the sum ($41 Million USD) in exchange for your immense help.
However, first I will need you to wire me the sum of $5,000 so that certain officials of the Central Bank of Nigeria can be bribed in order to wire the $163.63 Million USD to you.
Please contact me at your earliest convenience. Time is of the essence in this matter; very quickly the Nigerian Government will realize that the Central Bank is maintaining this amount on deposit, and will attempt to levy certain confiscatory taxes on it.
May the good Lord bless you and your family.
Prince Kufour Otumfuo
Challenges in My Industry
Oh, sure, I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably just like the authorities, using rude, uncouth words to describe my business, like “scam” or “fraud” or “con artist.”
Hey, it’s not easy running this business out of an internet cafe here in Lagos, Nigeria. I’ve really had to step up my game.
These days, it’s not enough to simply forge documents with official-looking Nigerian government stamps, seals and such. No, I have to create official-looking websites, too. I had to sit through one of those coding workshops you see advertised at the Apple Store.
I have to keep buying new burner phones.
I have to compete with guys pretending to be U.S. soldiers who stumbled upon a hidden cache of gold in Iraq.
Despite these challenges, I must say that inbound email marketing as a Nigerian prince is an exciting and vibrant field.
If you’d like to learn more, please drop me a line. I have a business proposition for you. It is of a private nature and requires absolute confidentiality.
Our lawyers would like to remind you that it’s April 1.
Your Turn: I am a Nigerian prince. Will you send me money?
Mike Brassfield (firstname.lastname@example.org) is a senior writer at The Penny Hoarder. He is a Nigerian prince. Will you send him money?