Five Things To Ask Your Partner Each Payday

Your bank account gets a nice infusion of cash on payday. It can feel tempting to spend once you see that a lump sum gets deposited into your account. However, it’s essential to be on the same page when budgeting with a partner regarding the money you’re spending, how much you’re saving and what your financial goals are.

According to a recent Ipsos poll, one in three (or 34%) of partnered Americans view money as a source of conflict in their relationship. This figure rises to nearly half (or 47%) among couples ages 18-24.

Important Questions to Ask When Budgeting With a Partner 

Although the high cost of living is still eating into just about everyone’s paychecks, it is possible to stretch your dollars further and stay on track financially as a couple without conflict. How, you might ask? Instead of waiting to talk about your finances once a year or once a month, start talking about your finances every payday.

Here are five questions to ask your partner once payday rolls around.

1. “What’s our top money priority until next payday?”

Asking each other this important question sets expectations for intentional spending. Rather than just swiping your credit cards and paying regular bills, you choose a specific money goal together. Perhaps it’s putting aside money to save up for your next vacation, paying down existing credit card debt or budgeting for a new car.

By identifying a clear priority every two weeks, or however often you both get paid, you can create a shared goal to work toward as a team.

Here’s a great example: You find yourself with a $300 buffer this payday. So you jointly decide to throw $200 at your smallest debt and use $100 to start a home repairs fund. No arguments, and you make financial progress on two fronts simultaneously.

2. “What do we need to pay before we treat ourselves?”

You shouldn’t deny yourself occasional small luxuries, like ordering takeout on a Friday night or buying a pair of concert tickets. Of course, it’s important to enjoy life and spend discretionary income, but not at the expense of your mortgage or electric bill. Be sure to calculate your regular monthly expenses first and then see how much money is left. 

Remember that your needs, such as housing, food, utilities and medical costs, should come before your wants, like dining out, entertainment and leisure travel. And you should be on the same page for what is a need vs. a want, because it’s different for everyone. 

3. “What can we automate tonight?”

Automation is a smart budgeter’s best friend, including for savvy couples. For example, setting up automatic recurring deposits for savings, investments and bills removes the manual work, and the temptation to spend extra, from your joint finances. At the same time, automation also ensures you maintain equal savings habits even if you each have different spending habits. Each payday, ask each other what you can automate right now. It could be scheduling a recurring utility payment or setting up a Roth IRA contribution. 

Tip: Automating even a small transfer of $25 or $50 from your checking account to your savings account can add up over time and help build shared financial confidence.

4. “How are we doing on our shared goals?”

Having a money date together doesn’t have to be so serious, uncomfortable or awkward. However, money dates work better with accountability from each of you. Each payday should be used as a touchpoint. Think about asking each other about the following questions: Are we making good progress toward our shared money goals? Do we need to adjust anything to stay on track? Are we still excited about what we’re working toward?

Your goals don’t necessarily have to be huge or complex. They could be as simple as building a healthy emergency fund, getting the grocery budget under control or planning an anniversary vacation. At the end of the day, honest communication is key to reaching your shared goals.

Fun idea: Consider using a whiteboard on the fridge or a shared spreadsheet to track your expenses. Creating a visual can be satisfying and affirm you’re making good progress.

5. “Is there anything coming up we forgot to budget for?”

Any extra expense can no doubt throw off your shared finances, especially if you forgot to mention it to your partner. Maybe it’s a wedding gift for your friends, paying the dog walker for some extra walks this month or your mom’s surprise birthday dinner. It’s smart to use your calendar to keep track of events or appointments that could add extra costs that month, potentially altering your regular budget.

Asking each other this question every payday can certainly save you last-minute money stress and help keep you out of credit card debt. At the same time, reviewing your monthly calendar together may make you feel more connected to each other.

Tip: Build a financial buffer into your monthly budget. Whether it’s $50 or $200, leaving room for extra expenses that pop up here and there can leave you with more financial breathing room.

Bottom Line on Budgeting With a Partner 

Budgeting with a partner doesn’t have to feel like a chore or make you uncomfortable. In fact, open communication about money can help avoid unnecessary arguments and relationship stress. By consistently checking in with each other every payday, you’ll feel more in control, more connected and more confident about your shared financial future.

So, on your next payday, choose at least one or two of these questions to ask each other over your morning coffee or evening walk and watch how much stronger your relationship (and finances) can become.

Adam Palasciano is a personal finance-obsessed and money-savvy individual who loves to create content on all things saving and making money. His work also appears on GoBankingRates, Investopedia, FinanceBuzz and The Smart Wallet.