Amazon: Your Stay-at-Home Dog Is Stressed, Audible Subscription Will Help

Woman's legs and dog sleeping.
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Amazon is stepping into yet another moneymaking lane, and knowing who the potential customers are, it’s likely going to bring in cash by the truckload.

What’s the new idea, you ask? Audiobooks… for dogs.

Yes, Amazon wants you, an otherwise reasonable adult, to pay for a monthly subscription to Audible to make your dog the most well-read pup on the block.

And while it sounds ridiculous to me, I totally understand exactly why Amazon thinks this idea could make bank — dog owners love their dogs past the point of reason.

Don’t try to deny it.

I’ve seen your let your dogs lick your faces knowing they used those same mouths to lick their butts. I’ve seen the “dog bars.” I’ve seen you bring your dogs to indoor gatherings. I’ve seen you get offended, or skip them altogether, when friends invite you to events that are not dog friendly.

So when I read Amazon’s pitch that claimed “listening to audiobooks outperformed music in reducing stress in canines” and that dog owners who had tried it felt less guilty about leaving their dogs home alone while they were at work all day, I knew this idea had the potential for success.

And I don’t blame Amazon for taking advantage of you by offering a curated list of books your dog will love and dubbing it Audible for Dogs.

In fact, I blame you. Audible for Dogs is a ridiculous nightmare of your own making, dog lovers.

But Seriously, How Does Audible for Dogs Work?

There might be a part of you that assumes there is something that makes the audiobooks particularly dog friendly. But you’d be wrong.

You are literally just using the same audiobook you would listen to yourself and playing it for your dog instead. The only real difference is an introductory video at the beginning of each book by famed and mildly controversial dog whisperer Cesar Millan.

Millan and Audible joined forces to test the audiobooks on 100 dogs before launching them. In 76% of cases, “dog owners who played audiobooks for their dogs reported an increase in calm, relaxed behavior in their pets over a four-week period,” a press release said.

Of course, that means 24 of the 100 dogs either had no change or were possibly worse off. That is a lot of dogs!

In some of the books, the dogs are the main characters. But some of the other picks are just regular books that even cats or humans without pets might like too.

The Audible for Dogs curated titles with Millan’s introductory videos are:

  • “Born a Crime: Stories from a South African Childhood” by Trevor Noah
  • “Pride and Prejudice” by Jane Austen
  • “A Dog’s Purpose” by W. Bruce Cameron
  • “The Art of Racing in the Rain” by Garth Stein
  • “Soldier Dogs: The Untold Story of America’s Canine Heroes” by Maria Goodavage
  • “The Wind in the Willows” by Kenneth Grahame

Should You Buy Audible for Your Dog?

It’s your money, so I can’t decide what you do with it.

The woman who Audible featured in its case study, Leslie from Santa Clarita, California, seemed to love it, of course.

“I would always feel guilty about leaving my dog, Buddy, alone, but with Audible for Dogs, I felt like I was leaving him with a friend,” said Leslie, whose last name was not included. “The different voices, the different stories. It was like leaving him with a different friend every day.”

It’s possible that your dog will, in fact, love this.

There is an exception for those who happen to enjoy audiobooks. If that’s you, by all means, get a subscription for yourself and share it with your dog. That is reasonable.

But I beg of you, don’t buy it just for Fido.

Desiree Stennett (@desi_stennett) is a staff writer at The Penny Hoarder. She doesn’t own a dog. Obviously.