Snag This Job and You Could Add “Professional Slacker” to Your Resume
If lazy people had a Bat Signal that could light up the night sky when we needed them most, what would it look like?
Would the silhouette of a pair of slippers dash across the darkened clouds?
An image of a bubble bath?
The receipt from your fifth Uber Eats order this week?
A screenshot of the text message exchange between you and the Shipt grocery delivery person in which you seriously attempt to convince them to bring the wine you ordered straight to you on the couch?
Yikes. Well, I’ll try to hammer out the details of the new Lazy Person Signal, but in the meantime, if any of those options resonated with something deep inside your soul, pay attention to what I’m about to tell you: A travel agency is looking for “Professional Slackers” who will sit around and do absolutely nothing — and get paid for it.
Calling All Slackers: We Found Your Dream Job
The following are real details from a real job listing for a real position at a real company. All that to say, no, you’re not dreaming.
Pay: Fixed salary. No exact numbers, but the company guarantees it will “be way too high in relation to performance.”
Schedule: Daily shifts include 7 a.m. to 1 p.m. and 1 p.m. to 7 p.m. These temporary positions last from January 22 to February 4.
(Although you will be asked to wear a summery outfit, sit in a beach chair, lie on a beach towel, take a nap, read a book, listen to music, meditate, relax and generally do your best to make stressed-out commuters and passersby incredibly jealous.)
Applicants for this position must have:
- Previous experience sleeping at your workplace
- An inability to think outside the box
- A distinct lack of ability to multitask
- No interest in interacting with others
- Extreme feelings of discomfort when faced with the words “deadlines” and “productivity”
- The ability to sit or lie down often and a lot
- An impressive ability to continue relaxing regardless of external distractions
- No seriously, you’d better be able to do some hardcore relaxing
The company would like to reiterate that these duties will not vary.
As for your education? TUI is sort of hoping to find that one guy who slept through all of his classes.
If this sounds like your life, the company would like to hear from you ASAP.
No seriously, the deadline to apply is January 14, 2018. (I’m pretty confident that’s the only deadline they’ll throw at you, though.)
All you have to do is write a couple of lines about who you are and why you, the laziest of the lazies, should become a fakeation specialist. You can increase your odds if you attach a picture of yourself in your most relaxing pose (bonus points if it showcases your relaxing skills in a high-stress environment). Aside from that, they’ll just need your measurements so they can have a pair of flip-flops ready to go when you arrive.
Also, you’ll want to specifically NOT attach a resume, cover letter, letter of recommendation or any other such nonsense.
Seriously: If you put in any extra work, they might think you’re actually trying to win the job — and that might reveal you to be anything less than completely, totally, utterly lazy.
To apply, click on over to the original job listing.
Grace Schweizer is a junior writer at The Penny Hoarder. She most certainly has never considered yelling “it’s open!” from the couch when Uber Eats shows up.