Whether you share a roadway, sidewalk, bike path or train car with other commuters, you’re navigating your way to and from work with hundreds of other sleepy, distracted and sometimes testy daily travelers.
Few of us are at our best first thing in the morning, so chances are, we’ve all had a snarky thought or two about our fellow commuters.
After a particularly imaginative set of snide remarks crossed my mind on a recent trek to the office, I asked my co-workers around The Penny Hoarder headquarters about their commute contemplations.
Here are our responses, pooled for your consideration.
1.“I’d love to stop at Starbucks, but it’s on the other side of the road, and I’ll never get back out into traffic.”
2. “I’ll drive 2.3 miles out of my way for drive-through coffee because getting out of my car at 7-11 is too much trouble.”
3. “Unless you’re texting the fire department that your car is on fire, put down the phone and drive.”
4. “It’d probably be faster just to ride my bike.”
5. “Why does no one know how to use a 4-way stop? Or is it me?”
6. Turns on to the interstate on ramp, finds a parking lot. “Annnnnd we’re late.”
7. “Daily goal: Don’t spill my coffee on myself, in the car, down my arm or in the elevator. Oops.”
8. “I’m going to make this stoplight even if I have to ram your stupid car into the intersection.”
9. “People in surrounding cars, I CAN SEE YOU! You’re not invisible so stop doing those gross things you think nobody will notice.”
10. “If I time the stoplights right, I can put on my entire face before I get to work.”
11. “If I eat this donut very carefully, I won’t spill it on my shirt. It’ll be fine. Oops.”
12. “I forgot my work laptop and I’m five minutes from the office. Oh well, it’s too far to go back home and get it.”
13. “I forgot my phone and I’m five minutes from the office.”
14. “If this light stays red just a few more seconds I can probably figure out what song the driver behind me is singing along to.”
15. “April the Giraffe could have had her calf in the time it took me to drive to the office today.”
Walkers and Cyclists
16. “Why is everyone looking at me?”
17. Watches crosswalk countdown feeling like it’s the end of time if I don’t make it before the light changes.
18. “It would be cool if my stupid shoelaces stayed tied just once on this walk.”
19. “I know I’m late for work, but I passed 22 dogs on my way into the office. What was I supposed to do, ignore them?”
20. “Do I acknowledge this dog owner after I say hi to the dog or nah?”
21. “WE HAVE BIKE LANES!” — When a bike nearly runs me over on the sidewalk.
22. “People seem to forget that wearing earphones is the international sign for ‘don’t talk to me.’” (See also: train riders)
23. “Rollerblading… hmmm, should I start rollerblading to work?”
24. “Wow, ended up being a pretty windy day for a dress.”
25. “Is it weird that I am walking and eating at the same time? Should I care?”
26. “No, really, please walk four across on the sidewalk so you can keep your conversation going. Don’t mind me as I flatten myself against the side of a building to let you pass.”
27. “Did I put on deodorant?”
28. “If I walk just a tad slower maybe I won’t sweat as much”
29. “How is it this warm this early in the day? I’m halfway there and already sweating buckets… Ew. I should start keeping deodorant in the office. Is that weird?”
Why yes, The Penny Hoarder staff is unusually preoccupied with perspiration. Why do you ask?
Train and Bus Riders
30. “I’ll just stand for my 25-minute train ride. But, hey, I hope your shopping bags enjoy their window seat.”
31. “Oh, crap. Our knees accidentally touched.”
32. “My favorite seat is available!”
33. “Someone left their lunchbag behind and I forgot my lunch at home. I wonder if I could just…”
34. “Why does Drooling Napper Dude always have to sit next to me?”
35. “Who eats an entire pizza on a crowded train? I mean, unless it’s pepperoni…”
36. “Can other people hear the music from my headphones? Are they judging me?”
37. “Forget the quiet car, give me an odor-free car.”
38. “If your backpack smacks me in the head one more time…
39. “I wonder if anyone around me notices I fill my to-go cup with wine for the ride home.”
40. “Do you think you could at least pretend you’re not reading my computer screen over my shoulder?”
No matter how you commute to work, some things are universal:
41. “Please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me, please don’t talk to me.”
Your Turn: What do you think about on your daily commute?
Lisa McGreevy is a staff writer at The Penny Hoarder. She thinks seat-dancing and belting out Broadway musical numbers is a perfectly acceptable way to pass the time during a car commute. If she tried it on a bike, she’d probably fall off.