Cash Me Stressing About Student Loans for the Next 10 Years, How Bow Dah?

Pay off student loans

“Go to college,” they said.

“Get a job,” they said.

“Spend the next 10 years of your life chained to a massive boulder of life-sucking debt,” they said.

OK, so maybe no one ever said that last one. But for many of us college grads, that’s our current reality. In fact, the national student loan debt is hovering around $1.4 trillion.

To put it very lightly, student loans are cramping our style. Every month, we fork over piles of cash we could be spending on traveling or saving for a down payment on a house, but the numbers never seem to get smaller.

And while some of us see the light at the end of the tunnel and know we’ll soon be free to make our own decisions about where our money goes, the rest of us are getting, well, a little desperate.

How desperate, you ask?

Giving up Netflix forever desperate.


They Would Do What?!

The Student Loan Report recently surveyed 501 student loan borrowers to see just how far they would go to make their student loan debt disappear forever, and the results are pretty insane:

  • 70.46% of borrowers said they would give up Netflix forever if it meant they could also give up their student loans.
  • 22.75% of borrowers said they would help their best friend dispose of a dead body if it meant someone would dispose of their student loan debt.
  • 39.12% of borrowers said they would be Trump’s personal butler for the next four years if it meant he would executively order their debt away.
  • 24.15% of borrowers said they would let the government have access to all of their devices and social media outlets if it meant their student loans would just disappear.
  • 18.76% of borrowers said they would rather the panda bear go extinct in 2017 than deal with student loan debt for another day.

Almost half said they would give up Wi-Fi for the next five years if it meant their student loans would go away, while another half said they would spend the next three years eating only burnt toast.

And while a brave 18.56% of borrowers said they would swim in shark-infested waters for one hour, the real heroes among us are the 39.72% who said they would live with the “cash me ousside how bow dah” girl for one year. Bless.

Sweet Release

The whole survey seems pretty fun, until you get to the last response: The average student loan borrower said they would shorten their life by 3.11 years if it meant they could get rid of $15,550 of their student loan debt.


Student loans are stressful and confusing, but there’s hope out there, and we’re here to help. Check out this total guide to figuring out your student loans, discover how to cut your payments in half and learn how to use a side hustle to pay down your debt faster.

Your Turn: What’s the craziest thing you would do to make your student loans disappear?

Grace Schweizer is a junior writer at The Penny Hoarder. The most dramatic thing she would do to make her student loans vanish? She would give up peanut butter — which is sayin’ something.

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